he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
