I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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