i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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