my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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