i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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