Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
