You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
