By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
