Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
