If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
