I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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