I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
