You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
