we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
