oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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