I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
