ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
