During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
