i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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