i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
