Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
