so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
