hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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