thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
