I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
