One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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