we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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