I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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