i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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