the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
