..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
