just come out here and I will go home with you...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
