I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
