when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
