Ambien. No doubt about it.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
