How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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