I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
