If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize