I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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