y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
