I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
