Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
