Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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