Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
