my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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