How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
