threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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