Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
