One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're too hungover to prance.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
