It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
