ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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