Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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