so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
