He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
