you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
