did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you would pick up someone in the library
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
