No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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