where am i from again
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize