In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Randomize
