By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
