She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize