his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We left the knife in your bed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
