Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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