dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
