Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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