I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
