No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
