I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize