I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
