why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
