Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
