So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
