Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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