Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
