don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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