You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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